Who's whispering, "You can do it!" in Sarah's ear?
What was Sarah Palin really trying to say behind her babbling brook speech announcing her resignation as governor of Alaska?
I’m proud to say that I can interpret her speech because, after watching her closely over the past 10 months, I can speak fluent Sarah Palin.
This is what she really meant to say, but couldn’t: “Republican strategists have told me that I need to get my ass down to the Lower 48 NOW, if I expect to win the Republican presidential nomination in 2012. So my fellow Alaskans, let me put it to you this way: I’m goin’ on a moose hunt for the White House, and if you try to stop me, you may end up on my wall.”
She was in such a hurry to get out of Juneau, there wasn’t even time to finish her term. Why? Because she desperately needs to woo the magical people of Iowa, who turned Barack Obama from a long shot into the front runner. She knows she can charm the britches off “the good people of this great state” by methodically going from farmhouse to farmhouse, picnic to picnic, and corn husking to corn husking over the next three years. Iowa’s conservative voters will surely embrace her and, with a punch of their enchanted ballots, give her the power to fly high over her opponents and ultimately land her in the White House.
I just don’t buy her “You won’t have Sarah Palin to kick around anymore” speech. It’s a smokescreen. In effect, she’s dumping the “good people of the great state of Alaska,” for a shot to lead “the good people of this great nation.”
Sarah’s strategists have most likely urged her not to listen to critics calling her a lightweight, a diva, too conservative for the mainstream, or generally uninformed. “They’re jealous of you, Sarah. They’re afraid of your values. You love freedom and they don’t.” Besides, they tell her, look at all the horrible things that liberals said about George Bush, yet Americans elected him twice—well, once for sure. “Even after he totally screwed New Orleans!” they remind her. “So don’t worry, the votes are out there—and we can get ’em for you.”
They tell her all of this without giving her an equally important piece of information—the mood of the American public has changed. After 9-11, Americans were in a Dr. Evil mood for six years strong. And who better to carry out their thirst for violent revenge than George Bush? They re-elected him in 2004 for one reason: to finish what he started. They were also afraid John Kerry would’ve immediately withdrawn troops before the Iraq War could be considered a success. Fast-forward to 2009. Americans feel like “We kicked some terrorist ass.” Now they’ve got that “We Are The World” feeling again. They’re ready to bring over the apple pie and be neighborly to other nations. Suddenly, Americans want diplomacy: “No need to get nasty. Let’s twitter about it. We love you, people of Iran—it’s just your government that sucks.”
The last crucial piece of information that strategists aren’t telling Sarah is this: there’s no way on God’s green-dollar earth that Americans are going to trust her with the economy. After her interview with Katie Couric, Americans wouldn’t trust her to referee a basketball game, let alone do mouth-to-mouth on the economy. If I had done an interview like that, I would’ve impaled myself on a live moose antler (Alaska’s version of hari kari).
I’m not here to advise Sarah Palin, but I will remind her of something. The strategists currently pumping up her ego and her presidential ambitions are the same types who convinced Joan Rivers more than 20 years ago that she could beat Johnny Carson in the ratings. And we all know how that turned out. I have no doubt that Sarah Palin, like Joan Rivers, can win “Celebrity Apprentice.” But the presidency?
I’m proud to say that I can interpret her speech because, after watching her closely over the past 10 months, I can speak fluent Sarah Palin.
This is what she really meant to say, but couldn’t: “Republican strategists have told me that I need to get my ass down to the Lower 48 NOW, if I expect to win the Republican presidential nomination in 2012. So my fellow Alaskans, let me put it to you this way: I’m goin’ on a moose hunt for the White House, and if you try to stop me, you may end up on my wall.”
She was in such a hurry to get out of Juneau, there wasn’t even time to finish her term. Why? Because she desperately needs to woo the magical people of Iowa, who turned Barack Obama from a long shot into the front runner. She knows she can charm the britches off “the good people of this great state” by methodically going from farmhouse to farmhouse, picnic to picnic, and corn husking to corn husking over the next three years. Iowa’s conservative voters will surely embrace her and, with a punch of their enchanted ballots, give her the power to fly high over her opponents and ultimately land her in the White House.
I just don’t buy her “You won’t have Sarah Palin to kick around anymore” speech. It’s a smokescreen. In effect, she’s dumping the “good people of the great state of Alaska,” for a shot to lead “the good people of this great nation.”
Sarah’s strategists have most likely urged her not to listen to critics calling her a lightweight, a diva, too conservative for the mainstream, or generally uninformed. “They’re jealous of you, Sarah. They’re afraid of your values. You love freedom and they don’t.” Besides, they tell her, look at all the horrible things that liberals said about George Bush, yet Americans elected him twice—well, once for sure. “Even after he totally screwed New Orleans!” they remind her. “So don’t worry, the votes are out there—and we can get ’em for you.”
They tell her all of this without giving her an equally important piece of information—the mood of the American public has changed. After 9-11, Americans were in a Dr. Evil mood for six years strong. And who better to carry out their thirst for violent revenge than George Bush? They re-elected him in 2004 for one reason: to finish what he started. They were also afraid John Kerry would’ve immediately withdrawn troops before the Iraq War could be considered a success. Fast-forward to 2009. Americans feel like “We kicked some terrorist ass.” Now they’ve got that “We Are The World” feeling again. They’re ready to bring over the apple pie and be neighborly to other nations. Suddenly, Americans want diplomacy: “No need to get nasty. Let’s twitter about it. We love you, people of Iran—it’s just your government that sucks.”
The last crucial piece of information that strategists aren’t telling Sarah is this: there’s no way on God’s green-dollar earth that Americans are going to trust her with the economy. After her interview with Katie Couric, Americans wouldn’t trust her to referee a basketball game, let alone do mouth-to-mouth on the economy. If I had done an interview like that, I would’ve impaled myself on a live moose antler (Alaska’s version of hari kari).
I’m not here to advise Sarah Palin, but I will remind her of something. The strategists currently pumping up her ego and her presidential ambitions are the same types who convinced Joan Rivers more than 20 years ago that she could beat Johnny Carson in the ratings. And we all know how that turned out. I have no doubt that Sarah Palin, like Joan Rivers, can win “Celebrity Apprentice.” But the presidency?
posted by Mary Paleologos at
1:37 AM
2 Comments
