Blagojevich soul mates need more sole
Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich and his wife Patty are truly soul mates. They share the same values, have a similar outlook on life, and obviously want the same things in life—money, money, money and power.
The pair also proves that finding your soul mate could be the worst thing in the world for you. Why? There are no checks and balances.
I know this goes against everything Oprah has taught us, but let’s look at the facts. With a soul mate, you have someone who thinks just like you do. So basically you’re married to a “yes man” or woman. Your soul mate willingly signs on to any plan you hatch and then helps you carry it out. You don’t have someone to ask those small but important questions like: “What the hell are you’re doing?” and “Are you out of your mind?”
Whenever I read about a couple wading hand-in-hand in the shit-pool of politics, I think: Uh-uh, must be soul mates.
Too bad Patty wasn’t more like Lisa Vito from the film “My Cousin Vinny.” Those two were tied at the hip, but nevertheless always at odds. Remember the scene where Vinny asks Lisa if she thinks it would be all right for him to wear dress pants to go deer hunting with the prosecuting attorney?
“Whadda 'bout the pants I got on?” Vinny asks Lisa. “Do you think they’re okay?”
Lisa, played by Marisa Tomei, responds this way in her great Brooklyn accent: “Imagine you’re a deer…You’re prancin’ along, you get thirsty, ya spot a little brook, put your little deer lips down to the cool, clear water—and bang! A fuckin’ bullet rips out part of your head! Your brains are laying on the ground in bloody little pieces. Now I ax ya: Would you give a fuck what kinda pants the sonofabitch who shot you was wearin’?
On the morning Blagojevich was arrested, he was wearing jogging pants. What do you think Lisa would’ve said to Blagojevich if she were married to him? I’m guessing it would go something like this: “You’re all over the phone tryin’ to sell Obama’s Senate seat, when ya know the feds have been stuck to your ass for four years. And now you wanna know if you should wear joggin’ pants to work this morning. Now I ax ya: Are the feds gonna give a fuck what kind of pants you’re wearin’ when they bust down the door, slap ya in handcuffs, and take ya to jail?”
Unfortunately, that’s not what Patty said. Her attitude was basically the same as her husband’s: “What’s in it for me?” Instead of a soul mate, Patty should’ve been a sole mate—in that she should’ve stuck her foot straight up his ass years ago. But what can I say? That’s not what a s-o-u-l mate does. A soul mate gets on the phone and tells her husband’s aide to order the Chicago Tribune owner to “just fire” his editorial writers if he wants tax breaks from the state on the sale of Wrigley Field. Talk about total support for your husband. She is a soul mate supreme.
Note to my New Age friends: This is a real good case for marrying your opposite. It could save your life. Think about it. If you like to spend money, the best person for you—no matter how much you can’t stand it—is someone’s who’s cheap. If you have two people who like to spend, spend, spend, the inevitable conclusion is bankruptcy, bankruptcy, bankruptcy and divorce. If you’re a liar, marry someone who’s honest. Realistically, they can’t keep you from lying all the time, but they can probably cut you back to 50 percent and maybe keep you out of jail.
A marriage should be like a democracy with two opposing parties in power—a Democratic president and a Republican Congress. That way, no one’s agreeing with the other 100 percent of the time, and both are keeping close tabs on any ethical violations.
So next time you see a couple on Oprah blathering on about how they found their soul mate and how perfectly wonderfully happy they are, don’t buy the bullshit along with whatever else Oprah’s selling that day. Try the Vinny and Lisa model on for size. A sole mate is safer than a soul mate.
The pair also proves that finding your soul mate could be the worst thing in the world for you. Why? There are no checks and balances.
I know this goes against everything Oprah has taught us, but let’s look at the facts. With a soul mate, you have someone who thinks just like you do. So basically you’re married to a “yes man” or woman. Your soul mate willingly signs on to any plan you hatch and then helps you carry it out. You don’t have someone to ask those small but important questions like: “What the hell are you’re doing?” and “Are you out of your mind?”
Whenever I read about a couple wading hand-in-hand in the shit-pool of politics, I think: Uh-uh, must be soul mates.
Too bad Patty wasn’t more like Lisa Vito from the film “My Cousin Vinny.” Those two were tied at the hip, but nevertheless always at odds. Remember the scene where Vinny asks Lisa if she thinks it would be all right for him to wear dress pants to go deer hunting with the prosecuting attorney?
“Whadda 'bout the pants I got on?” Vinny asks Lisa. “Do you think they’re okay?”
Lisa, played by Marisa Tomei, responds this way in her great Brooklyn accent: “Imagine you’re a deer…You’re prancin’ along, you get thirsty, ya spot a little brook, put your little deer lips down to the cool, clear water—and bang! A fuckin’ bullet rips out part of your head! Your brains are laying on the ground in bloody little pieces. Now I ax ya: Would you give a fuck what kinda pants the sonofabitch who shot you was wearin’?
On the morning Blagojevich was arrested, he was wearing jogging pants. What do you think Lisa would’ve said to Blagojevich if she were married to him? I’m guessing it would go something like this: “You’re all over the phone tryin’ to sell Obama’s Senate seat, when ya know the feds have been stuck to your ass for four years. And now you wanna know if you should wear joggin’ pants to work this morning. Now I ax ya: Are the feds gonna give a fuck what kind of pants you’re wearin’ when they bust down the door, slap ya in handcuffs, and take ya to jail?”
Unfortunately, that’s not what Patty said. Her attitude was basically the same as her husband’s: “What’s in it for me?” Instead of a soul mate, Patty should’ve been a sole mate—in that she should’ve stuck her foot straight up his ass years ago. But what can I say? That’s not what a s-o-u-l mate does. A soul mate gets on the phone and tells her husband’s aide to order the Chicago Tribune owner to “just fire” his editorial writers if he wants tax breaks from the state on the sale of Wrigley Field. Talk about total support for your husband. She is a soul mate supreme.
Note to my New Age friends: This is a real good case for marrying your opposite. It could save your life. Think about it. If you like to spend money, the best person for you—no matter how much you can’t stand it—is someone’s who’s cheap. If you have two people who like to spend, spend, spend, the inevitable conclusion is bankruptcy, bankruptcy, bankruptcy and divorce. If you’re a liar, marry someone who’s honest. Realistically, they can’t keep you from lying all the time, but they can probably cut you back to 50 percent and maybe keep you out of jail.
A marriage should be like a democracy with two opposing parties in power—a Democratic president and a Republican Congress. That way, no one’s agreeing with the other 100 percent of the time, and both are keeping close tabs on any ethical violations.
So next time you see a couple on Oprah blathering on about how they found their soul mate and how perfectly wonderfully happy they are, don’t buy the bullshit along with whatever else Oprah’s selling that day. Try the Vinny and Lisa model on for size. A sole mate is safer than a soul mate.
posted by Mary Paleologos at
1:17 AM
3 Comments
